Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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