i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
