You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
