Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
