I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
