I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
