4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this beer tastes like vomit already
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
