Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize