Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
