dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
