i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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