whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
