Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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