I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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