I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
