1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
