she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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