I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
organizing the empties. That sober.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
