i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
