He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
