I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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