Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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