I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize