I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
