She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
