Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
