The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
