So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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