Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
