My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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