Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Shame - the story of my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
