you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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