I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
