We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
