He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I supernannyed him into submission
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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