i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
