I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
