he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
