Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
