If i come over, it means nothing
nut hugger
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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