Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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