dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
