I wish life had little blips of pornography
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
