I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
