Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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