is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
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