Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
