just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
