Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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