I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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