this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
