Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
