I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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