the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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