I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize