It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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