Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
