based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
