Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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