i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
