Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
high people should be assigned attendants
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
