I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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