I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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