thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My vagina just recognized that song.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
