she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
