i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize