I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
