shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
