She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
