hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
