he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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