Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
cat food counts as protein by the way
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
