Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize