Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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