so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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