anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize