im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
