he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
