I need help removing her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
