just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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