ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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