It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
