i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
