I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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