Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
