i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have fence marks all over my body
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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