My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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