Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
