Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
