Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
