I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
