battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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