well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
